Rolling Stones

File this under "You Can't Always Get What You Want". I need to start the new job August 15th, which means I won't get the few days of nothing that I was hoping for in between. Funny how my days of unemployment were so incredibly painful and anxiety-producing last summer, and now I wish I could get a few. Granted, at that time I had no job lined up and was in constant fear of living under a highway overpass when my friends got tired of letting me sleep on their couches.

Fortunately, the new job will not interfere with the long anticipated FOK (Friends of Kathy) Excursion to Calistoga. Which still leaves me two week days free of having to go to work, but doesn't leave time to go anywhere else without being pretty exhausted for my first day of work. I'd prefer that my first impression is to appear carefree and refreshed, not frazzled and bleary.

Parting Is Such Sweet... Sorrow?

Y'know, the best part about leaving somewhere is hearing that you'll be missed. I have indeed decided to accept the new position, and within minutes after telling my boss the whole department had heard. They were all very supportive, and said I'd be missed. It's nice to hear. While I've often bemoaned the fact that I don't seem to DO much here, the things I AM asked to do get DONE. (Lots of UNNECESSARY capitals there.) I've been underutilized, but I haven't been unappreciated.

Another reason it's so nice to leave on good terms is because my new office is mere blocks from my current one, and I will surely run into folks on the sidewalk. Meaning I will have people I can greet with a friendly wave, and I will feel like a person who knows lots of people.

Decision Tree

Yesterday, I received an offer for a job I applied for last year. It puts me on the path to selling out, which I'd been extolling the virtues of just last week in this blog. But when the offer actually CAME, I started to panic that taking it would mean I'd never pursue my true calling. Until I realized - if I have a true calling, it will wait. I don't view careers in education as time sensitive - many people turn to education as a second or third career, and kids always need to be schooled.

My initial panic began to subside as I told a few close friends about the offer, and they urged me to take it. The way I see it, these people love me, and they know me, and they wouldn't recommend I pursue this option if they thought it would make me unhappy or crush my spirit.

Now this position will not be immediately lucrative, but I don't think it's a tremendous leap backwards, either. It's more like treading water. Which is not a terrible thing to be doing, unless you start cramping up. Which I can deal with when/if it happens. (See, there's my effort to be more optimistic - IF came after WHEN, implying that the last thought I had was positive.)

Doing Lunch

A light-hearted post for Monday. I'm saving the existential crises for later in the week.

It's 11:45, which is about the time to figure out what's for lunch today. If I have been active in my kitchen, I'm happy to have left-overs. But my last real bout with cooking was some time ago, and all the reserves have vanished.

During my Weight Watchers year, I ate those freakin' Smart Ones and Lean Cuisines about everyday. Some aren't bad, but putting one in the microwave nowadays fills me with a sense of ennui and despair. 1., for the lost pounds that refound me. 2., for the dreadful monotony. 3., for the fact that I'd have to carry my sad little black plastic tray downstairs to the courtyard because eating it at my desk would surely set off a pathetic little pity party.

Even though they also involve a microwave, leftovers don't carry the same baggage. They imply that I 1. am industrious and frugal, or 2. went out to eat which implies I have friends to go out to eat with. Both of which are occasionally true.

Whether it's cold out or not, I like to check out the soup specials at Specialtys because they're DELICIOUS. I occasionally head over to the SF Soup Company, but I'm not thrilled with any of their soups that don't involve creamy bases. Which I try to avoid indulging in too often - see Weight Watchers comments.

Of course, soup is not the only delicious option at Specialtys. I'm quite enamored of the turkey & cranberry. I recently discovered the turkey meatloaf is quite tasty, too.

If I want a standard sandwich, I head to Quizno's for either a tuna or roast beef sandwich. While Quizno's has subjected us to some really awful ad campaigns, they did bring the Spong Monkeys into the limelight and for that - I thank them. If you only click on one of the links I've peppered this post with, click that one. Upon the first hearing, the creatures are annoying and gross. After it replays, about 3 times, it's cemented in your subconscious and you will giggle uncontrollably. Or maybe you're a controlled giggler.

Other frequent stops for veggie options are the deli across the street for their veggie burritos, or the Middle Eastern place on Kearny near Banana Thai for their veggie lahvosh wraps. If I have time for a longer lunch, I also love Bistro Burger. Which is across from What Up, Dog, and it will not surprise you to know I'm happy to get something there, too.

Wendy's is a good stand-by, too - although our fancy URBAN Wendy's costs more than your 'burban establishments. No $.99 value menu here, but still a cheap place to get a Caesar side salad and a baked potato.

Lin's Deli offers a huge salad bar, which I've yet to visit because I pass it over for the Chinese buffet beside it. Where I can still get veggies, even though the greasy ones are probably not the strict interpretation of the Weight Watcher guidelines.

To finish off, there's a frozen yogurt place in the alley by Bistro Burger where I can get a small yogurt for $1.60. Which is dairy, y'all, so it's gotta be good.

My Big But

This title comes, of course, from the supremely hilarious Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Everyone of Pee Wee's friends has a big but to explain why they're not living their dreams. I've been thinking about my own big but a lot lately. (Perhaps if others were paying more attention to my butt I would have less time to ponder such things.)

My good friend Kathy (Honest - I have a friend and her name is also Kathy. She is not my alter ego, or evil twin, although she has been known to PLAY both roles from time to time.) was telling me about a book that has been inspiring her father lately titled Art & Fear. The book proposes that fear holds artists back - fear of failure, fear of financial ruin, and... I don't know, fear of paint or something. I didn't read it myself so I'm guessing.

This coincides with a discussion I had with another friend of mine this week. We were talking about job interviews, and she said one of the questions she likes to ask candidates is, "If money was not an issue, and you could pursue whatever you wanted and do what you're most passionate about, what would it be?" I asked her if she had an answer, and she said, "No. I suppose if I did, I'd feel obligated to go and pursue it."

Well, I think I know. And I think I'm afraid. Given limitless resources, I'd be producing an educational series about history to air on television, with companion curriculum pieces to be used in classrooms. I'm afraid that in order to do this, I either need to go back to school to get a Masters or PhD in Curriculum (which means more debt, and the inability to pay rent in my current living situation), take on some sort of internship with an educational media company (see debt, rent), or find a way to independently finance this project (debt, rent, AND no idea where to start, really).

Is fear of debt enough of a reason to hold me back? You bet your ass it is. Because let's say I take the steps mentioned above, then fail to get a profitable project off the ground? (Hello, fear of failure! Thanks for joining me!)

Options? Pick a new goal. Become independently wealthy and THEN go back to this project. Only one of these seems likely. So - I am now casting for a new goal. As mentioned previously, I am perfectly amenable to selling out.

Is it too late to sell out?

I had an interview for a position in Redwood City today, with a construction management company. Very nice people, and if they were in San Francisco, I'm sure I'd be happy to work with them. Even though it's a field I never knew I had any interest in, which is probably because I DON'T. It is very, very, sad when the best reason I can think of to work in a construction company is because I am bound to meet more men.

I'm currently struggling - make that CONSTANTLY struggling - with finding a career path that neither numbs my soul or drives me into debt. I've come to accept certain facts about myself - I like living in a nice apartment in a safe neighborhood, with no roommates, cable TV, and a well-stocked pantry. I also like to be able to accept invitations to meet friends for dinner, and not stay at home eating ramen noodles or PB&J sandwiches. I think I can honestly say that my desire for creature comforts outweighs my need to have a job where I feel I am living up to my full creative and intellectual capacity.

If only I had known I'd want to sell out, I could have planned my education much differently. A HISTORY DEGREE? Puh-leeze. TEACHING CREDENTIAL? Laughable. JOB FAIRS FOR CONSULTING FIRMS AND LAW SCHOOL APPLICATIONS? Now THOSE would have been a good idea.

So... what do you DO all day?

As I work to define how I intend - or WHETHER I intend - to make my mark on the blogosphere, I've been thinking of several themes I could pursue. I currently peruse several blogs related to mocking the comic strip "For Better or For Worse", primarily The Foobiverse. Proving there is an audience for just about anything. I also enjoyed reading The Impulsive Buy, featuring random product reviews by some guy named Marvin who lives in Hawaii, until the firewall deemed the content inappropriate. And

So for MY blog, I am entertaining the idea of featuring a different website a day, detailing my electronic meanderings. Still - this will grow tiresome to you, as it, admittedly, does to me.

Another idea I'm finding appealing is to write about childrens' picture books. Meaning my blog could actually prove USEFUL, instead of just being a forum for me to blather aimlessly. God knows I don't want to be aimless.

Writing Exercise

Inspired by this piece on McSweeney's, one of my daily stops when I do my rounds of the tri-dub (that's the World Wide Web, and the abbreviation is also courtesy of our friends at McSweeney's), I wrote the following lead of my own. This could be addictive...

There was an unusual amount of traffic in the lactation room yesterday afternoon. It happens to be the only room with reliable cell phone access in the 32-year old building, set far back from the turnpike with its endless strip of mini-malls topped with towers erected by Verizon, Cingular, and the like.

New mothers fumbling with their breast pumps startled each time the door opened and frantically clutched their blouses closed over their swollen chests. A more experienced and frequent visitor to the "Milk Bar" calmly chewed her salad laden with alfalfa sprouts as she manipulated her pump with a practiced hand, not offering so much as a docile gaze to the commotion surrounding her.

Whether they successfully completed their ministrations or not, their babies would not suffer from hunger on that evening. Nor any other.

Add your own lead! They're journalrific!

Blog Stuff from Work

I've finally succumbed.

The proverbial straw was delivered by a joke book my friend Michelle brought me this weekend, 50 Jobs That Are Worse Than Yours. It's pretty demoralizing to find that your job - has MADE that list.

So in the time-honored tradition of time-killing temps everywhere, my blog - she is launched!