How Do They Do That?

How does Beyonce move her butt like that in the "Check On It" video?

I don't really have any deeper thoughts than that right now.

I was changing the light bulb in my bathroom, and found out my ceiling is higher than I thought. I managed to perch precariously on a plastic set of drawers without falling, and I managed to unscrew the light fixture - but I did NOT manage to get a hand under it before it crashed into the tub. Well, if it was going to shatter into many pieces, at least it was contained in the tub. After this tribulation, I got a new bulb in, but I guess I'm looking for a light fixture soon. Or not. Maybe bare bulbs in open fixtures are chic.

A poll

Which of these 3 types of directions would annoy you the most - those that are:

• condescending,
• unclear, or
• unreasonable?

Do you find yourself frustrated when you feel like you have to be a sheep in order to tolerate your environment?

What feelings do the other sheep arouse in you most often:

• envy,
• frustration, or
• fury?

I'm getting a little tired of feeling angry and frustrated so often. I'm tired of not being able to suck up and deal (or "suck up an eel", as a malaprop-prone friend used to say), and I'm tired of dealing with all the eels that need sucking. (WOW. THAT'S some horrific imagery.) I'm tired of conflicting advice like "Take action if you want to see change!" and "Accept what is and be peaceful and serene." I'm tired of waiting for things to change, and tired of trying to make things happen.

I'm not so paranoid that I think the world is working against me, but I'm also not optimistic enough to think there's some force looking out for me, either.

I hate ending on downers. Here ya go. Make sure your kids watch plenty of TV, folks.

Oh so colorful

And the most colorful part of the wedding weekend may be - my skin. I went in for a spray tan on Thursday. (All right, so this photo isn't technically a spray tan, but Google Images gave it to me and who am I to argue?) When they tell you to use the blocking cream liberally on your hands and feet in the video, they aren't kidding. The video also features the most hilarious line ever spoken in an instructional video, "Assume the second tanning position." It's even more amusing than what you're picturing right now. You end up doing a sort of drunken King Tut dance, while holding your breath and squinching your eyes shut tightly.

On Friday night, R. and the other K.M. - now K.C. - had people over for dinner and mehendi. I was wearing a shirt with paisley designs on it, so the Latina mehendi artist did a paisley design on the back of my hand. Latina, you say? Uh huh. Gorgeous, too - she looked like she stepped off the cover of an Isabel Allende novel - but she also happened to learn mehendi from neighbors as a child, and the mundap owner hired her for his son's wedding. How's THAT for street cred.

The Hindu ceremony on Saturday was really wonderful. R.'s mom had brought extra saris, and one of R.'s aunts from India wrapped me in mine. I was describing this to a friend, who said, "Oh, so the relatives helped you?" No - they didn't HELP. They DRESSED us. We - were no help at all. It was a beautiful fabric, and I actually felt quite comfortable in it. Which apparently means that auntie really knew what she was doing.

The ceremony itself involved my friend's having lots of crap tossed on their heads, and chanting, and coconuts hurriedly being broken on nearby steps so the milk could be used, and plenty of guests milling around to visit with each other while enjoying coffee and pastries. Really, shouldn't all weddings be like that? The couple is celebrated, but it's also a community event where everyone who knows and loves the couple gets to spend time with each other.

Dead Sexy

I went on the least erotic lingerie shopping adventure ever today. Needed specific, supportive undergarments for the dazzling backless silk dress with the plunging neckline that I will be wearing on Sunday. I will look fabulous, and it will all be supported by some very utilitarian scaffolding.

Since I used my lunch hour to run this important errand, I picked up food at Yank Sing 2 Go to eat at my desk. I have been wolfing down bites between running up and down the stairs to help see that some of the many, many boxes (it's always about the freakin' boxes with me) get sent AWAY and soon.

I've developed a new habit. Pacing. Mostly in the elevator lobby. I told a friend I wouldn't be concerned until this devolves into both pacing AND muttering. Currently, I don't do both at the same time.

I think I know the owner

A fellow survivor of my high school experience publishes a daily photo, and today's was quite amusing. One thing I've learned from living so many places is that you find all sorts of people everywhere you go. Both stereotypes and those who confound all of your preconceived ideas. I find it comforting.

Today is Dad's 60th birthday. As dads go, I got one of the greats. Boundless intellectual curiosity, enjoys walking at a slow pace yet drives like a madman, and always looks out for me but still trusts me to look after myself.

Making today's entry a totally random collection of thoughts, I just checked out Cute Overload thinking I would be able to sneer, and found myself laughing and going "Awwww!" at the same time and felt like I had been PUNKED into bowing to the cuteness.

For posterity

Just wanted to get a date and time signature on this post and whine about the fact that I'm writing it at work. Which I kept thinking about last night, for some ridiculous reason. "Where will the boxes go when the reviewers finish the first level? Which ones should go in the locked room, where the laptops are stored? How many do I need to put on the sign-out sheet for people working tomorrow? When are my co-workers coming in so I can tell them step 2 and I can leave?" Really, really sad. If I have to think about work when I'm lying in bed, couldn't it at least be intense fantasies resembling cheap porno flicks - screw that, EXPENSIVE porno flicks - that take place in office buildings? The kind of things that will make me blush when I run into certain people the next day, or feel a flush of heat next time I'm using the scanner?

Can't Dress Myself

It's true, I'm becoming hopelessly indecisive about what to wear for any given occasion. Part of it's the weight - I don't look much heavier than I have for the past year or two, but there are a few extra pounds that have made some old staples in the closet unwearable.

Next weekend is my friends' wedding extravaganza - a Hindu ceremony on Saturday morning and Western ceremony on Sunday. Y'know, calling it a Western ceremony makes me think of the weddings my uncle and his son had, with cowboy hats and bolo ties. I'm reasonably certain no one attending on Sunday will be wearing either. Hey! Maybe I will, and then my wardrobe problem is solved! It seems fitting, since I'll be wearing a sari to the Hindu ceremony. Which I didn't decide to do until the last minute, when I found out MANY other people were and there were 2 saris left from R.'s mom's stash. So today, KM and I went to a sari shop in Berkeley to find the accoutrement necessary to wear the sari - namely, a top (which I knew I'd have to get), some sort of petticoat skirt (which I didn't know about - the sari's already so much freakin' fabric, who knew you needed to start with ANOTHER layer of fabric?), and jewelry (which I knew I was going to get b/c it's awesome, even if I don't technically need it.) We happened to find a top that matched the sari PERFECTLY. It was almost freaky, actually - the sari itself is a pale burnt orange with gold and silver patterns embossed on it. The top is a crushed velvet in the same shade of orange, with silver detailing. They look like they were made together.

After this adventure, I continued to shop on my own at the mall in Walnut Creek. KM had to go to Sacto to work with their officiant (another college friend of ours, which is AWESOME) so I was on my own. I ended up buying - three different options. Because I just had no idea what I really wanted to wear, or what was really flattering, or appropriate. I called KM on my way home and told her shopping without her was terribly inefficient, since I still have to show her al the options and will now have to return things, too. We're going to meet up tomorrow to finalize my wardrobe.

In preparation for this decision process, I went through my closet to see if I had any pre-existing options. And found a brown knit jersey dress and a black knit jersey dress I had completely forgotten about, but don't think I could wear without some amazing undergarment with the strength of a whalebone corset and the seamlessness of spandex bike shorts. Still, they get to be included in the runway showdown.

And THEN - yes THEN - I will also have to think about shoes.

The crops are saved!

My internet connection is back! Hooray! I haven't met the anonymous and wired neighbor whose signal I'm piggy-backing, but I sure miss 'em when they're gone. I wouldn't mind chipping in if they publicized who they were, but I don't want to go around looking in case they decide sharing a signal is NOT what they had in mind. The whole "better to ask forgiveness than permission" deal.

I had a blissfully low-key New Year's Eve. More and more folks crawl out of (or into - heh) the woodwork every year to join me in my distaste for this artificial holiday. It has often succeeded in making me feel a dose of self-loathing and self-pity as I sit alone thinking everyone else in the world is enjoying the holiday while I'm not. I went out on New Year's Eve... Eve this year, and found it far more enjoyable. (See banane's blog for more deets - and some really interesting facts about the sunken ships of San Francisco.) After closing down the bars that night, I was content to stay in the next day knowing I had places I COULD go - but I just didn't wanna. KDK and I were reminiscing about all the ridiculous New Year's Eves we've spent together. Oddly enough, the one where we were both desperately ill, freezing cold, and surrounded by an odd bunch of people much older than ourselves - goes down in the books for both of us as our best N.Y.E. ever.

New Year's Day was devoted to cleaning up. Well, most of the day was actually eaten up by the insidious "I love the (insert decade)" marathon on VH1. But I did manage to put all the holiday decor away, hang a few pictures that have been leaning against walls, and mop floors. Anyday where the mop... uh, Swiffer... comes out certainly counts as a cleaning day.

On Monday, I visited with R & the other KM in E-ville. KM & I ran shopping errands and made a sojourn to the In -N-Out Burger. I usually only go there once or twice a year, so I can thoroughly enjoy it when I go. In the evening, we went to see Brokeback Mountain, which was quite good. I don't know that I'd call it the best film of the year, but still worth seeing.

Didn't make any resolutions this year - I seldom do. As usual, I'm toying with the whole diet and exercise idea. I figure therapy kinda covers the rest, as I seek out new ways of doing things, or new ways to view the things I'm already doing. It's sort of like an ongoing resolution process.