My Big But
This title comes, of course, from the supremely hilarious Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Everyone of Pee Wee's friends has a big but to explain why they're not living their dreams. I've been thinking about my own big but a lot lately. (Perhaps if others were paying more attention to my butt I would have less time to ponder such things.)
My good friend Kathy (Honest - I have a friend and her name is also Kathy. She is not my alter ego, or evil twin, although she has been known to PLAY both roles from time to time.) was telling me about a book that has been inspiring her father lately titled Art & Fear. The book proposes that fear holds artists back - fear of failure, fear of financial ruin, and... I don't know, fear of paint or something. I didn't read it myself so I'm guessing.
This coincides with a discussion I had with another friend of mine this week. We were talking about job interviews, and she said one of the questions she likes to ask candidates is, "If money was not an issue, and you could pursue whatever you wanted and do what you're most passionate about, what would it be?" I asked her if she had an answer, and she said, "No. I suppose if I did, I'd feel obligated to go and pursue it."
Well, I think I know. And I think I'm afraid. Given limitless resources, I'd be producing an educational series about history to air on television, with companion curriculum pieces to be used in classrooms. I'm afraid that in order to do this, I either need to go back to school to get a Masters or PhD in Curriculum (which means more debt, and the inability to pay rent in my current living situation), take on some sort of internship with an educational media company (see debt, rent), or find a way to independently finance this project (debt, rent, AND no idea where to start, really).
Is fear of debt enough of a reason to hold me back? You bet your ass it is. Because let's say I take the steps mentioned above, then fail to get a profitable project off the ground? (Hello, fear of failure! Thanks for joining me!)
Options? Pick a new goal. Become independently wealthy and THEN go back to this project. Only one of these seems likely. So - I am now casting for a new goal. As mentioned previously, I am perfectly amenable to selling out.
My good friend Kathy (Honest - I have a friend and her name is also Kathy. She is not my alter ego, or evil twin, although she has been known to PLAY both roles from time to time.) was telling me about a book that has been inspiring her father lately titled Art & Fear. The book proposes that fear holds artists back - fear of failure, fear of financial ruin, and... I don't know, fear of paint or something. I didn't read it myself so I'm guessing.
This coincides with a discussion I had with another friend of mine this week. We were talking about job interviews, and she said one of the questions she likes to ask candidates is, "If money was not an issue, and you could pursue whatever you wanted and do what you're most passionate about, what would it be?" I asked her if she had an answer, and she said, "No. I suppose if I did, I'd feel obligated to go and pursue it."
Well, I think I know. And I think I'm afraid. Given limitless resources, I'd be producing an educational series about history to air on television, with companion curriculum pieces to be used in classrooms. I'm afraid that in order to do this, I either need to go back to school to get a Masters or PhD in Curriculum (which means more debt, and the inability to pay rent in my current living situation), take on some sort of internship with an educational media company (see debt, rent), or find a way to independently finance this project (debt, rent, AND no idea where to start, really).
Is fear of debt enough of a reason to hold me back? You bet your ass it is. Because let's say I take the steps mentioned above, then fail to get a profitable project off the ground? (Hello, fear of failure! Thanks for joining me!)
Options? Pick a new goal. Become independently wealthy and THEN go back to this project. Only one of these seems likely. So - I am now casting for a new goal. As mentioned previously, I am perfectly amenable to selling out.
posted by Kathy Me at
10:27 AM
1 Comments:
First, your blog has excellent punctuation! And as a copy editor, I just wanted to let you know I appreciate that.
I think everyone can relate to your fears. Honestly, who among us is doing what they really want to do? There's no such thing as the ideal job -- just something you do for awhile. It's hard enough just figuring out what your life's work is supposed to BE. (Mine might be watching "Reno 911.")
And I hope I never get interviewed by your friend. She sounds mean. She's either forcing people to lie on their feet ("I've always wanted to be a middle manager for Widgets International!") or making them admit they'd really rather not be middle managers, but sailing a 22-foot catamaran around the world or painting a church ceiling or something. But instead, we have to interview for your pathetic job! Thanks for rubbing it in our faces!
I love your goal. I do hope you keep it in sight, and figure out a way to do it. You'd be great at it. I always envisioned you in entertainment anyway.
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