Running Commentary

Ah, but TONIGHT... TONIGHT I have a THEME.

Because the season premiere of Lost is on.

Yeah, Jack - why DON'T you want to go down the hatch? You better lose that bossy tone, mister.

What? What's on the hatch door??? Ooohh.. "Quarantine" - that's good.

How can she take care of a dog if she's exhausted? Seriously, that dog is way better off on his own. Run, Vincent, run! What tripped her? Undead Boone??? Oh! Dripping Walt! UN-expected.

I am going to be so disappointed if Locke turns out to be evil. I must like him because he's got the whole teacher vibe down.

Ah, Hurley. You, too, are awesome. Finding the same bright spot I would - "At least we get to sleep in every morning." I don't think Jack is believing this at all. LOCKE would believe this.

Am I going to have to get into a head-on collision to meet a guy? Oh, wait. She ends up with Jack. Never mind - I'll pass.

Awww. Jack doesn't know how to hope, just like me. I guess it's time to change, because I don't want to end up like that killjoy bossy doofus.

Ooohhh... don't promise. It was a nice little speech, and even I was warming up to you - but then you threw in the kiss of death "I promise," like it all has something to do with you.

But Locke? I don't understand why a good night's sleep would be such a terrible thing before hurtling yourself into the breach.

OK - we may need to put Chocolate Yoplait on the list of products I avoid due to irritating ads.

... phone... Uncle... Did you ever return my Jackson Browne CD... Uh, I think so?...

Apparently, I missed some scene with Kate talking to Jack. Whatever. More Jackstory. Whatever.

Waiting for you? To throw her down the hole? Throw her down the hole! Oh, shit. He IS gonna throw her down the hole. Heh. I'll give her credit for this one - I wouldn't go first. Certainly not without a crowd of armed friends standing around the hatch. Uh, why not use the ladder for as long as you can? Ow! Rope burn! Oh, they're gonna be annoyed when he comes back without Kate. Wouldn't it be cool if she was all disintegrated by the beam of light?

Do you think Jack might start flailing at Locke instead of doing something more productive to actually help Kate? Oh, no Locke. Hmm. Another solo climb - seriously, would it hurt to have just one or two extra people hanging around up top in case something happens to the rope? Am I the only one who's ever watched TV and movies?

Will this be the same mysterious fellow who's at the bottom of the hatch? Aw, Jack punishes himelf with exercise like me. Wait. I am not happy with these similarities. Oh, but I don't do the bullshit "promise" stuff. See, I KNEW that promising would be back to bite Jack in the ass.

THAT is a STURDY little flashlight. I want one. (Heh - "sturdy" sounds funny, in a very Beavisy way.) C'mon, Jack, the people who live here want you to take your shoes off before you walk in their house. Better do it - it really pisses people off when you disregard that rule. AAACCCKKKK! That crappy song scares me, too!!!

Is someone screaming Jack in the background? I think sooooo... I bet Jack's wishing he remembered some DOS commands. I know I'd be screwed. Oh! Hey Locke! Is that... DESMOND with a gun to your head? We'll find out after this commercial break.

No, I feel no need to stick around for "Invasion". Thanks anyway, ABC. "the best" says The Boston Globe? That's an awfully short quote. All sorts of things could have shown up on either side of that. "Pauly Shore is the best he's ever been," "The best the writers could come up with on such short notice." Fill in your own. Call it another writing exercise.

Showering does not take that long, dude. And really, she could've waited for this news. You suck. OK, I'm kinda mean - but I thought it would be funny if the next "Can you feel this?" was smacking her really hard. Or - if he didn't stink, and I didn't find him annoying - he could have gone in for a slow kiss and said, "Can you feel... this?" Oh! Oh! Or a PORN version, where he says... I think you get it.

Oh, and yeah, it was Desmond.