101

My friends had an idea of starting a "101" series where we could share our talents and interests with each other. I think Tink may have started the trend with a Sailing 101 - which I missed, but I hope there's a make-up class - and tonight was Ninja 101 with "The Bosom of Death" herself, R.K. Banane will be teaching us Mah Jongg, and B.P. will lead us in a tap dancing class. Looks like J.N. is going to paint with us - oranges, not lemons, 'cuz apparently lemons are hard. Orange and blue contrast more readily than yellow and purple, for those wondering. Oh, and C.P. promised us a Pub Crawl 101 at Tink's housewarming party.

I'm feeling sort of like Bobby Brady in "The Winner" - episode 46, season 2. Bobby's disappointed in himself because he's the only Brady who has never won a trophy. I'm not sure how to translate my interests and specialties into a class. TV Trivia 101 - "You'll need to watch a lot. It's probably easiest to start with TV Land. Get your Brady trivia down first, then learn the theme songs to every other show - don't bother with arcane stuff like 'Car 54, Where Are You?' - it rarely comes up and chances are no one else will know about it either." I'm not really sure how I could do Singing 101, either. I don't have lots of warm-up exercises I use, or a way to describe how to harmonize, or tips for performing. "You should sing some scales and stuff, try to sing a different part than the other singer, and have one or several glasses of red wine before you go on-stage."

That being said, we did throw around some other possible ideas at dinner tonight. I'm reluctant to do something people already KNOW how to do, like cooking, but could do Enchiladas 101. This would, of course, mean parting with the secret family recipe. Mnemonics 101, which would be different memorizing tricks. My friends brought up Teaching 101 - and my initial reaction was "Yikes! So broad!" But the more I think about it - well, still kinda tough. I guess this one would depend on how I approached it. Classroom / group management? Parts of a lesson plan? Organizational tips?

Insult to Injury

(Welcome back, neighbor's wireless! I love you!)

Last week Sunday, I went on a really great walk in my neighborhood, going up and down lots of hills and enjoying the views and the mansions. I came home and was walking to the store when all of a sudden - my foot seized up. The arch just stopped bending, and I was hobbling. I thought it was just a cramp, and that it would pass.

On Wednesday, after my friend M.K. expressed concern every morning when we went to coffee and kept asking if I'd been to the doctor yet, I went to the doctor. Turns out - it's plantar fasciitis. Did you know you could get it in your arch, and not just your heel? Well, you can. It kinda sucks.

Adding insult to injury, in a rather literal sense, they also weighed me. It seems I am back to within 5 pounds of my highwater-mark weight. I am not happy about this. Seven years ago, I lost a great deal of weight, and maintained pretty well for a couple of years. It appears that there was a bit of a downhill slide after that. I think this means it's time to start over, and go back to Weight Watchers. I guess. Uck. I'm nervous, because last time I did this, I wasn't living alone. Not that he joined me - it was all me - but I felt more accountable, and I guess I also felt better because someone was there to see it was hard every day, but I persevered. An external daily affirmation.

On Location

My neighbor's internet connection has been denying me all week. So I am writing to you on location, from the fabulous Ms. K's fondue party. How urban and trendy and retro is that?

New analogy for work: think surfing. Waves are coming, and as they approach - I'm duck-butting my way under them. Then they go roaring and crashing over my head, and I come up into calm water again. I get to look back, and say, "Wow. That one looked pretty rough," and smile placidly as I continue floating. I've decided I pick my waves.

2 weeks ago today (stupid girl brain, holding onto pointless little dates and "anniversaries"), my poor little heart was getting all crunched up like one of those foam stress ball toys. It's starting to reshape itself. Got a little nicked, though. Such is life.

Analogies

I've always been a big fan of analogies. Sometimes I spend more time working out analogies than the actual problems they represent. Here are 3 that came to me at work this week to describe my job and how I feel about it:

1. I have been put in charge of a task that involves elements I've never worked with before, and has been passed on through several different people who I may or may not be able to contact to ask questions. I feel as though I have been told, "You are going to fly the plane." I respond, "Well, I know how to drive a car, but I do not know how to fly planes." The response is, "Yeah. Well, you are going to fly the plane." I answer, "OK, I'll sit in the cockpit. But you better make peace with your god. Because I can't tell you we're not going to crash and die. I am already resigned to this, so I'm not going to panic or scream or run around because it won't help, but just don't assume we're actually going to land safely."

2. Every task I am assigned is like being told, "Here is a box of snakes. Some of them bite. Some of them are dead and in various states of decay. Stick your hand in it and untangle them."

3. Yesterday, I had a dentist appointment after work. Someone asked how my day was going, and I said, "I am going to the dentist soon, and I am honestly looking forward to it. I would much prefer to sit in that chair right now than the one at my desk."

I was a little cranky this week.

Postscript

Before we wrap this chapter up - it did get a little bit weirder. He must have remembered I wasn't coming back until Tuesday, b/c he waited until Tuesday morning to e-mail me. And apologized for not calling, made another lame excuse, but then - admitted he liked me. But. (You knew there was a but.) He has been splitting (uh, been splitting?!) with a girl for a few months and while he's not with her he doesn't want to rush into anything, hope you understand. There was also some stupid stuff about how he hopes he was a gentleman the night we went out (wha???).

M.K. was the first to tell me that this last e-mail - means that I won. And she forbade me from responding. As did every other woman I know. My friends also told me he's guilty of fuckwittage, and I must drop him completely. Because if he were ever to come around my friends, they will hate him.

Back Home - Part 2

I hardly slept at all that night. I was excited, and happy, and... starving.

Friday morning, I went to my friend A.L.'s apartment, where Ms. B. and her newly adopted 10-year old daughter - and she told me they sometimes call her a mini-Kathy, b/c she can be a wiseass - were going to meet us to go to the zoo. We hadn't told Ms. B. I was coming, and when I answered the door, she did a double-take - then actually jumped up and down and squealed. It was very sweet. They were excited to hear about the L.C., and we were happy to meet the little mini-me. You never know where you might find new family, and this little girl is lucky to have joined such a terrific one - Ms. B. and hers have been so generous and welcoming to me, I know this little girl is going to have a wonderful home.

As much fun as the zoo is, it gets to be kind of a drag as the temperature rises. No monkey is fun when the sun is beating down on your head. And you're anxious. And haven't slept.

I was feeling OK until about 4, and I realized that the phone in my purse that wasn't ringing - was the L.C. not calling. My mood started to deteriorate, and I grew quieter.

Got back to Snake's house, took a shower, and got dressed to go on the Rocket Scientist's boat for his birthday. The phone continued to not ring. J. said maybe something happened, b/c he did say he was going to come. Snake said maybe he'll still call.

We sailed over to the Bali Hai, and had pina coladas, and I tried to mingle - but I was deflated.

He just. Never. Called. I didn't take it very well.

The next morning, Saturday, I walked along the bay and called my friend J.N. She was so sympathetic, and angry on my behalf, and it was just what I needed. I decided I did NOT want to let the L.C. just ignore me, because he really, really hurt my feelings. I would not have treated a friend that way, let alone somebody I'd kissed. If someone is in town for a short time, and you flat out tell them you will see them the next day, and flat out say you will call, and flat out say you're going to join that person and her friends for an event - you fucking call if you're not actually going to show up. It's just courtesy.

I was very calm, and I left a message telling him I was surprised I hadn't heard from him and that I really just wanted some sort of explanation because I was confused. It was light in tone, but sincere, and I felt better.

Later, D.L. and her husband came to pick me up and bring me back to their house for the day. We had breakfast at the Brockton Villa in La Jolla, and I gotta tell you - best damn eggs benedict I've ever had. Ever. "Carne Asada Benedict: House-Made Carne Asada Avocado Poached Eggs on an English Muffin. Topped with a Cilantro Hollandaise Sauce." And a mimosa. Not a cure for a crumpled up little heart, but a damn fine soothing balm.

He did actually call back later that day - after I'd left my phone behind while we went to the beach, b/c I couldn't bear another day of watching it not ring - and left a message. Tone was casual. Said he got back late from class and was still hungover from Thursday and just crashed. We should talk, give me a call.

Oi.

I did call, left a much less polished message - something like don't think I'm the crazy girl who hounds guys, and I'm around all evening so call anytime.

Yeah, you know he didn't call.

Originally, I'd bought a ticket to fly back on Monday. But I was just. Done. I wanted to go home. I felt rather disgusted with myself, and especially disgusted with the Ex L.C., and tired of the sun and relentless casual atmosphere of San Diego. Crazy, huh? I think it's a great city. I do like it, and I see why others love it - but it feels similar to Orange County for me, which I also liked and understood others love for. These places can be great - but I don't belong there. Something about me just doesn't fit. This isn't to say I couldn't or wouldn't live there and be relatively happy - but I don't feel the same affinity for it that I do here, in San Francisco.

I'm home. Thank GOD.

Hey, It's Good to Be Back Home Again - Part 1

I can't remember the last time I was so happy to come home from a vacation. If nothing else, despite all the awkward moments and painful memories I created on this trip, I am comforted to feel like I really belong here in San Francisco and to call it home.

I knew I was going to San Diego back in March, when the L.C. told me he was moving there and said "Now you'll have someone to visit in San Diego," and "You'll have to come visit me there."

My plans began to crystallize when the firm gave us Monday, July 3, as an additional holiday. Considering we also had the 4th, and I would get a birthday holiday on the 5th, I could take a whole week off and it would only cost me 2 PTO days.

So I began studiously repeating to myself, "I am going to San Diego to see W.W. (Snake), and D.L., and I will also catch up with A.L. and Ms. B. - and maybe I'll meet up with the L.C. for drinks or something."

I do love all of the initialled dearly, and it has been too long since I've seen them - but I was clearly going to S.D. with a goal - to get the L.C. to finally profess his love for me, and to get some. Both seemed like distinct possibilities after a series of e-mail exchanges - "When are you coming down here?" "Do you still have my contact info?" "Call me when you get in." "Looking forward to seeing you..." K. (M.) C. was convinced that last "..." could only mean "in my bed", but the more level-headed R.C. said it was just punctuation - an ellipsis, to be precise.

I arrive Tuesday, and it's HUMID. Ech. I was wearing denim capris and felt hot. Snake, who looked great, was surprised to hear I hadn't brought any shorts but 1. I don't like wearing shorts when I feel fat, 2. it seemed a little soon to expose my alabaster thighs to the sun, and 3. I didn't really think it was going to be so HOT.

That day, we did lots of fun things - had bloody maries (marys?) at lunch, laid out on a boat listening to classic rock, and went to a neighbor's rooftop patio to watch the fireworks. Called the L.C., left voice mail.

The next day, we did more fun things. Went to the mall, tried out lots of Bath and Body Works lotions and the new lip plumpers, the L.C. called and left me voice mail to say he'd skip class Thursday night to hang out with me, got a massage, and then D.L. met up with Snake, her boyfriend J., and me at Red Pearl Kitchen for my birthday dinner.

Thursday, I spent the whole day anxiously waiting. We walked to a great sandwich place for lunch, then went to the pool. L.C. finally calls around 5 to finalize plans and we talk LIVE. I get him to come pick me up at Snake's, and my heart lifted when he came walking across the lawn and greeted me with a big hug. I introduce him to Snake, we all go inside for a minute, plan to meet up later in the evening when J. is out of work, and then the L.C. says "Let's go!" and takes me to his car.

We drive to his place, which is in a cool location - he tells me he loves hearing the waves, but is not so fond of hearing his neighbor having loud sex. I sympathize, and tell him on my neighbor's wild nights the walls and floor in my apartment actually shake.

When he moved, he gave his TV away and vowed to read more books. Which is why I have to remark on - his new TV. He laughs as he admits he had to break down and buy one after all. I tell him this makes me like him better.

We walk down the block to look out at the beach - he lives off a cove - and then go to the Mexican restaurant up the street for margaritas. But we missed the happy hour cut-off, and they're not seating on the patio, so I say we should go somewhere else first. We walk up the street to a bar with an outside deck, and start drinking beer. We talk about all sorts of things - our philosophies, our career paths past-present-future, politics - I tell him my college friends call me "Bitter Chick", he tells me he seriously considered moving to Vancouver and becoming an ex-pat after the 2004 election.

Snake and J. meet us around 8, and everyone gets along great. Which is why I love all of these people - you throw them into new social situations, and they swim. We head back to the Mexican place for dinner, and drink margaritas. I order dinner, but I don't really eat much because I'm so wound up. The L.C. asks for J.'s business card so they can talk real estate later, I'm sitting with my legs pressed up against the L.C., he has his arm around the back of my seat, Snake invites the L.C. to her friend's birthday party the next night, and he says that sounds like fun and that he will come. Then the L.C. suggests we walk down to the beach before the rest of us drive home.

It's going to get really good for a moment here.

I put my arm around his waist, he puts his arm around my shoulder, and we walk to the cove. Because Snake and J. are awesome, they say "We have to go over here for a moment," and leave us alone. Looking out over the water. I start saying something about how beautiful San Diego is, he says something like "Uh-huh,", then smiles at me, pulls me in to him, and... kisses me. FINALLY. He kisses me. And he's good. I reach up and touch his face, he runs his hands up and down my body (in a suggestive but still perfectly acceptable PDA kind of way), and whenever we break away - he's smiling at me. He tells me that I will see him tomorrow, and that he plans to bring me back with him afterwards. I swoon. Snake returns, the L.C. walks us up the hill, kisses me good-bye, and tells me he'll call me from work tomorrow to find out when and where to meet us.

I am giddy. Snake tells me she thought he was handsome, I tell her how much I like him, we get home, and I just can't sleep. I scrawl in my journal like a teenager - "Guess who just kissed me? Guess who's calling me tomorrow? I knew he liked me, I knew it!" And I think I have finally - FINALLY - caught a break.

Kicking Off A Whole Month of Birthday

Today was one of the best birthday celebrations I've ever had. Started with brunch at Ella's with a group of friends, and then a tour of my apartment. K. (M.) C. presented me with a hand-knit birthday crown, and a Glitter Pony beribboned and bestickered birthday wand. 'Cuz ya gots ta luv da glitter poneez. I gamely wore the birthday crown into our first stop - Gloria Ferrer - where the staff studiously ignored it. Finding it extremely difficult to make eye contact with people while sporting the crown, I decided it could also work as the birthday belt. Still whimsical, less intimidating. We shared 2 bottles of champagne and had a great table on the patio overlooking the - valley? Seemed like a valley.

Next on the tour was Schug - free tastings, low-key, friendly pourers. I bought two bottles of the sauvignon blanc, b/c I'm in a white phase right now. Summer weather, I guess. One of the things I liked about this place was that besides the posters showing the different types of cheese, or wine grapes - they had one showing various donuts.

Our next destination was the Sonoma town square, where we went to the wine exchange for wine AND beer tasting - and I identified a wine as tasting like Lipton's Lemon Iced Tea. Not bad, just - a lot like iced tea. We sampled cheeses at Sonoma Jack, then ended up getting sandwiches there and enjoying them as we picnicked in the park.

Just a beautiful day, with beautiful people, and I felt both well taken care of and well-loved.