Unpretty

As one of the more dreadful phases of my job is nearing an end, I came to the very unflattering realization that I will MISS the martyrdom the long hours and aggravating work have afforded me. Now, I'll just be in a mediocre job with semi-reasonable hours. And a rather crap salary, since the overtime won't be as steady. I may never be happy in a job. It's either the hours, the salary, the tasks, the people... there's just something about WORK that makes it such a... well, chore. Blech.

I'm still riding the crush roller coaster, too. I'm aggravated with myself for not taking more direct action, and aggravated with him for making me think I have to take action here. I don't know why I'm scared of just being direct with him, and not knowing why doesn't make me any less frightened. I don't believe in "soulmates", and I'm not thinking that if he slips away I'll never have another chance at happiness - but I DO see one POSSIBLE route to happiness getting away before I even had a chance to try it out. And while there may not be one unique soulmate out there waiting for me, there does seem to be a very limited subset of men I could live happily ever after with. Or even happily for the time being.

I've had "Fix You" by Coldplay on a repeat loop since I turned my computer on. The super-extended remix. Soundtrack for the melancholic.