Faced

Somehow I have accidentally spent quite a bit on cosmetics in the past week. Then on better make-up brushes so I could get the most out of the 'spensive new cosmetics. And then went to a schmancy salon to get my face all waxed to provide a better canvas. I don't know that I look all that different, but I feel better thinking that I'm making an effort.

It's sort of like something I wrote to KDK the other day, when she was talking about her past few races (and YOU GO GIRL) - and I am cribbing this from Yoga for People Who Can't Be Bothered to Do It - I have tried to want to want to run, but I find I'm not quite there.

I did buy a fitness ball when I found out my ol' teaching buddy Mrs. A had become a Pilates instructor. Because I wasn't going to actually start taking Pilates classes myself, but thought I could at least buy something that would make me more likely to work out at home.

Then I had to tell Ms. B. my weight, in preparation for the upcoming helicopter flight I'll be taking on the Big Island. And I realized I'm taking lots of other steps about my appearance because honestly, I just don't feel much like dieting. I'm disappointed that I managed to lose a great deal of weight and a lot of it found me again, but I really do think I'm still healthier than I was the last time around. Certainly mentally healthier.

Vote with your dollar

I am fond of avoiding companies whose ads irritate the crap out of me. Newly blackballed? T-Mobile. Those horrible "Hello" commercials where people are on the phone CONSTANTLY having inane conversations and ignoring the HUMAN BEINGS around them are exemplifying everything wrong with mobile phone culture.

Of course I wasn't going to use T-Mobile anyway, seeing as how I'm in a contract with AT&T (joined when they were Cingular) and have never switched carriers because I can't figure out the timing to avoid penalties, and every once in a while decide my phone is hopelessly dated and re-sign my contract because it's easier to get a phone through my current plan than do research and buy one.

I will add that I actually enjoy the AT&T ads, anyway, because I find the "hidden bars" to be very clever, and at least the people are only taking pictures instead of actively talking and ignoring the people around them.

Improvement?

So last Friday I was coming off an afternoon of drinking and felt a bit maudlin. Honest, but maudlin.

This Friday, I'm coming off an afternoon of volunteering at the SF Food Bank - which is fun and I should do it more often - and feeling much happier in general BUT find myself watching... High School Musical 2. Is this an improvement? Hmm... Worse. I'm considering going on iTunes to download "Fabulous". But I'm pretty irritated with the use of an absurd location to fit into a rhyme scheme. "Iced tea imported from England... Lifeguard imported from Spain... Towels imported from Turkey... and turkey imported from Maine." Uh, Maine? Is turkey truly a chief export?

Sentencing

I love this city. I love being able to say I live in San Francisco. I love every bus ride home, looking around and knowing I belong here.

And I think by living here I've subjected myself to a life sentence of being alone. All melodrama aside, I honestly don't think I'm going to meet anyone here to share my life with. By living here, I feel like I've agreed to live alone.

Which isn't to say I can't start my own family - I certainly can. And I'm excited and joyous about the thought of having my own child to share this wonderful, incredible home with. I'm reasonably certain I can deal with doing this on my own, or I wouldn't entertain the idea in the first place. Still, it seems so terribly sad and unfair that the choice I get is learn to like being alone or stay miserable.

I wish I knew how to be more positive. I wish I knew how to believe I can get everything I want. But I can't. I have to content myself with feeling fortunate that I can get most of what I want, and be strong enough to convince myself the rest is just so much accessorizing.

So fuck you, optimists. Realism is where it's at, and it will have to do.

In my current maudlin moment, I find myself listening to "Irreplacable" by Beyonce over and over, but it's not the positive message of "I'll find someone else" I find myself absorbing so much as "You must not know 'bout me". Because seriously? If you knew 'bout me, you'd know I can handle anything. Doesn't mean I like it. Just means I can handle it. And that's not such a bad leg up on the rest of the world.

Slow to update

I've thought about several things to post to the blog, and just haven't quite made it here yet. And I really could start being more interesting, especially since I purchased one of these and can now post stuff like this.



Of course, that took 3 tries and 10 minutes, which helps explain why these posts are so infrequent. They're like precious gold, folks - treasure 'em.



Anyway, I had a great week in Florida visiting my fabulous and lovely friend J.N. the A.P., and met spent some time with her boys up on the coast. The trip was somewhat marred by those bastards at American Airlines, who do not deal well with scheduling changes and held my suitcase hostage for four days. I hate them. I really hate them. But to make up for that, I will list five things that were great about the trip - Seeing J.N., snorkelling, key lime pie, ordering empanadas with hog plums (sounds scary, tastes yummy, and thank God I think they were actually plums as in fruit and not something else), and playing with the little N's.


I've been put on a trial team at work, which means I'll be putting in longer hours. Perhaps ludicrous hours, but I kinda hope not. Because I'm feeling old and tired. Eager to make some money in the short term, but concerned about actually passing out in the office and of coming home to decide I don't really care if my laundry stays on the armchair in my living room for a month. Worse things could happen. At least it's clean laundry. For now.

Lesson Unlearned

I'm watching Ella Enchanted - it's Disney-corny, but still pretty cute. Book was better. Which reminds me, I stumbled across this site the other day that reviews young adult novels I remember quite fondly. The covers alone bring back lots of good memories.

Anyway, this movie is another Cindarella redux, in the plucky heroine vein. The independent girl who is more concerned with social justice and intellectual pursuits than the incredibly handsome prince, who is captivated by her spirit and while she isn't interested in him at all she eventually falls for him because besides being incredibly handsome he also turns out to be well-meaning and spirited himself.

Like many girls, I identified with the plucky heroines. But I really DID think I was the plucky heroine. I really DID think I was different, and someone would find me captivating because of my spirit.

And that may still happen. In the retirement home. Which is why the Race Ghost Part II sketch is more documentary than skit.

Shout Out to My Bookies

With thanks to LCR for sending me the initial invite, I've become enamored with the Goodreads website. I've been keeping my own book list for several years, and have discussed the merits of my strict 1 to 5 rating scale with S double N, and think it's a great resource to see what like-minded friends are reading. Or totally different minded friends.

I do agree with Dad that it isn't exactly novice friendly, and there's a fair amount of poking around you have to do to avoid having to enter your entire contacts list, or to figure out how to shelve your books, or to stop getting your inbox flooded with minor activity. It can be done, but takes some 'sploring.

I think it is a lovely thing, though, that within a very short amount of time I had such a large group of friends who joined me on the site. Many of my friends also tend to be readers, and opinionated ones at that.