Black Hole Saturdays

For the past few months, Saturdays have been so low-key they're subsonic. I wake up late, watch DVDs, make phone calls, take naps (yes, plural), and usually complete one household chore. Today, looks like that might just be doing dishes. Not a particularly hefty task.

I guess part of the reason I feel so lazy is I see this as a day to catch up on my rapidly accumulating sleep debt. I have a hard time going to bed before midnight, but since I don't have to wake up until 7:30, I'm still getting a reasonable amount of sleep most weeknights.

I do have plans for tomorrow, which also allows me to be lazier than I might otherwise be. "Plans" involve other people - I don't seem to have them for myself. If I'm invited to do something at a certain time, or I plan to meet someone at a particular place, I feel there is a social goal for the day. Without these goals, I flounder. Not always a bad thing, but it seems to show I lack a certain amount of discipline. Could I devote time to explore new neighborhoods on my own? Sure. Could I finally deal with all the paper and crap that has accumulated on my desk and filing cabinet? Yeah. (But even writing about it makes me feel a little nauseous. I hate going through old papers. One more sign that I might be spectacularly unsuited for my current job.)

OK. Some small goals that will make me feel better about today. Clean the kitchen. Including the microwave. And fill the flour and sugar canisters, instead of keeping bags of flour and sugar that take up space. Get rid of at least 5 things in the kitchen I don't use - stuff left in the communal laundry room downstairs never stays longs, and it's much closer than Goodwill. Call landlord about getting new upgraded super secure front-door key. Walk SOMEWHERE. The grocery store counts. THEN, I might take myself to a movie.

Wow, that's a lot. Looks like I need another disco nap before I get started.

On I Rocked

Had a great time at the Rockit Room last night. Nice turnout from a combo of city friends, classic friends, music friends, and work friends. Our set went well, with no major disaster songs. I brought a lot of energy to the stage - didn't bring all my HIGH notes, but eh. Room for improvement is not a bad thing.

Question: Is it flirting if there are no sexual overtones?

Question 2: Why do I find myself wanting unavailable men? Oh, wait. Because I don't know or meet any available men.

How to Prepare

Step One, return from Denver.
Step Two, unpack laptop and send out reminder Evite to let friends and acquaintances know you are indeed back in town and still performing.
Step Three, go jogging. While you're out, move your car so you don't get a parking ticket tomorrow.
Step Four, go to Trader Joe's b/c you have no fresh fruit, veggies, or dairy.
Step Five, cut flowers and put them in a vase. You should have fresh flowers because you're performing, and performers get flowers.
Step Six, take a shower. Be sure to shave. And use moisturizing shampoo b/c Denver was way dry.
Step Seven, have a big salad for dinner.
Step Eight, set the VCR to tape "So You Think You Can Dance" b/c that show is AWESOME.
Step Nine, have lemon/ginger hot tea and watch the best Seinfeld episode ever where George does the opposite of everything he usually does and Elaine offends her boyfriend and loses her job because "They're jujy fruits and I love them."
Step Ten, look up address for the Rockit Room.
Step Eleven, get dressed. Put on make-up.
Step Twelve. Stop blogging. Psych yourself up.

Rocky Mountain High

Greetings from Denver! I'm here at the fantabulous Hotel Monaco, in swanky business style comfort with my own loaner goldfish. Do you need a goldfish in your hotel room? Sure you do! The firm sent me out here on a project ENTIRELY UNRELATED to the case that has been draining me of my will to live for the last year! Exciting stuff - and yet, somehow, I still ended my work day by pulling and pushing a cart full of boxes down a loading dock ramp and up a service ramp to an elevator bank. Kind of hilarious. The team has been really fun, and we had a really great time over drinks and dinner tonight. I stuffed myself, and was delighted at the time but quite sorry afterwards. Still a little sorry, actually.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to catch up with my cousin G.M.E.S. (maybe I should call her Geames) who has lived here for the past 5 years or so. She and J.C. have been 2 of my favorite relatives, but I don't get to see them much and sometimes my feelings are hurt because I don't think they make it much of a priority to see me. J.C. lives not far from me - about an hour's drive - and just had a baby shower, but I wasn't invited. Kinda bums me out. I would've gone. And while I love Geames and want to catch up, I give her a 50% flake factor for tomorrow.

Either way, I want to catch the Rockies game tomorrow night if I can. I'd love to check out the ballpark, and maybe get my sister a belated birthday present. I doubt the L.C. would approve, since they're playing the A's and he hates the A's and everyone in the Western division except the Giants. Yes, I'm still thinking about the L.C. Shut up.

Day After

Drunks are an excellent audience. I told the guys before we went on yesterday that it was going to be a great opportunity to just try stuff out. Because the people we didn't know, we'd never see again - and the people we DID know already like us. Several people who already like me showed up, and I was thrilled to have supportive folk in the audience. Maybe one day I'll be so big I won't need to have people I know come out to have a good show - but for now, I just can't see this being as much fun without being able to share it with friends.

Bought my own mic yesterday - VERY exciting. NOW I'm like an actual musician.

Day Before

Ah, Saturday. Woke up late. Made myself a full breakfast. Watched my Home Movies DVD. Did dishes. Took a nap. Went to the grocery store. Paid bills. Called my friend J.N. the A.P., with 2 kids, and had to leave voice mail. We haven't been able to talk live for a while, and I miss her. In my message, I said, "Make the kids take a nap so you can call me back." Then I laughed, and said that's probably not a very helpful thing to say. I can imagine that a lot of moms wish they could just put everyone on hold to do what they want for a while, without interruption. I was trying to think of an equally aggravating comment she could leave for me, and figured it would be something like "Why don't you just go get laid so you'll cheer the hell up?"

But now I've digressed.

At 5, I headed out to Marin for one more band practice before we play at The Saloon tomorrow. While there are still some rough spots, I'm now actually the most confident I've been that we can pull this off. My co-singer has been spending time working on her own, and I appreciate it - she even heard a harmony I had missed, and has color-coded the lyrics so she knows where the harmonies come in. I'm now feeling much more kindly, because I can see she's taking this seriously and I appreciate it.

Not sure if we're going to be able to pull off a gig for my birthday, though. The 2 locations I had in mind won't work, and I'm not sure what to do next. Not much time left, and I'm not feeling motivated enough to scout places. I need a manager.

Things That Are Awesome

Number One. So You Think You Can Dance. Know why? Kinda the same reason I love Project Runway - it's fascinating to watch people do things I can't. I joined this show late in its first season, and also found the contestants likeable and humble.

Number Two. Home Movies. One of very few DVD sets where I actually listen to the commentaries. Lots of 'em. I'm currently listening to the "Audio Outtake Jukebox", one of the extras on the Season 4 Disk 2. From Coach McGuirk - "I got my fish drunk once. I poured tequila in the bowl and I'm pretty sure they were drunk - and then they died." And "I think there's not a day in my life when I don't regret not learning how to hacky sack." This set also came with a CD featuring music used in the series - I've put it in my shuffle and find myself alternately chuckling and being impressed by just how listenable it is. That Brendon Small is good. He should look me up. He would like me.

Number Three. The compilation CDs that come with CMJ Music Monthly. The magazine is kinda crap, but the music is often fantastic and always eclectic.

The cat came back!

Greetings from my living room! As mentioned in an earlier post, I've been unable to access the web from home for about 10 days or so, and was just about ready to start looking in to how to get wired. I woke up this morning and decided I couldn't live without logging in at some point today. Here is my very important internet to-do list:

• Research the price of a mic I saw at the Haight Ashbury Music Center yesterday
• Get directions to a studio I'm considering using as a venue for my birthday party
• Download my Pretenders CD into iTunes
• Find out what common household cleaners can be used for jewelry
• Shop for (belated) birthday gifts for KDK and my little sister, who with this past birthday is magically older than I am claiming to be

I turned on my computer this morning, and got the "select wireless network" pop-up which struck fear into my heart, thinking my neighbor's connection was now lost. Indeed, it didn't show up at all on the list of available networks, not even as a secured one. I started figuring out what to wear to go to the coffee shop, sifting through the clean laundry I finished yesterday, and debating whether to eat breakfast before or after heading out - and just as I was getting ready to pack up the laptop, a beautiful and hopeful little message appeared in a bright white balloon in the lower right-hand corner of my screen. "Wireless Network Connection: Your Neighbor, Signal Strength: Excellent".

Good news for optimists, indeed.

Putting the harm in harmony

Found out yesterday our band can open for Johnny Nitro at The Saloon in NINE DAYS. Will the band be ready? Dunno. Am I ready? Heck yeah. I know I'll be more solid at our next performance, later in June, but I'm ready to get on stage and just start belting stuff out to start figuring out what works. Guess I'm just a "jump in the pool" girl as opposed to inching into the water. Gonna get wet anyway - may as well do it all at once and acclimate fast.

The other singer is making me a bit testy, b/c she doesn't have the harmonies down yet. Her default is to echo my part. This makes Kathy angry. Do not sing my part. I am singing my part. I do not need your help to sing my notes. In fact, your help is distracting. Sing YOUR notes. Sing them in tones that compliment what I am singing. Or get out of my song.

And this will seem obvious, but why is it the same people who need the most time to learn our entire set list are also the same ones who arrive latest at practice? Hmm. I honestly think everyone in our band is a capable musician. Everyone has done some work that has impressed me. I also realize this is a hobby. But I take it quite seriously, and get frustrated when others don't bring the same level of commitment and anxiety into the project. ANY project. Of course, this goes both ways, I guess. There are some things I don't take so seriously - like certain work-related tasks - and when others are more anxious than I am that annoys me, too.

Perhaps what we all seek from the people we want to make meaningful connections with is a shared anxiety level.

Long Slow Goodbye

Where have you gone again my sweet?
Everybody wants to know.
Where have you gone again my sweet?
Everybody wants to know.
Where you gone?
Where you gone?
- Queens of the Stone Age

Oh, free internet access at home. How I miss you. It's not enough that the L.C. had to take off last week, leaving me with unresolved feelings and no real hope that we'd find a meaningful romantic connection in the future. Or that Trader Joe thumbed his nose at me by discontinuing my freezer staples. Or that I still feel extremely conflicted about staying in my current position, and have started to contemplate how I can make a(nother) serious change in my career path.

No, those losses were not enough. Now - the neighbor who has anonymously provided me with wireless access has - turned off his/her computer? Because the network isn't SECURED, but I also can't connect to it.

So much trouble connecting.